Entry 3.114.26.1/3.A :)

Woohoo, it’s Cheer Week! (and there was much rejoicing.) K, we started yesterday (Sunday) at 4.15 am because we had to be on the road by 5.45am and of course everyone needs to eat, shower, etc. So at 6.15 when Troy, the staff leader for this fiasco, er, I mean, inspirational trip (lol) bothered to show up, we were able to get going :{

Three and a half hours later we were in LaPorte, MN (3.5 hours, 2 wrong turns and 1 bathroom break) where we sang at the Kebkona Community Church. Nice place/people. Potluck dinner at which we, of course, ate far too much and I played pick-up with a six month old chubby cheeks. (for those who don’t know: pick up is the BEST GAME EVER as far as all tricycle motors under 1.5 are concerned – start with an object. The less fragile, the better. When the curtain climber drops it, pick up! Now giggle, clap, coo, drool and repeat! How can someone NOT love this game?) I think the pick up championships will be on ESPN2 this year…at least they should be. :)

3.5 hours, 2 sodas, 1 bathroom break and ½ a seat cushion (all I got for the trip) later we arrived in Minneapolis for Cheer Week.

MNTC has been planning Cheer Week for months. This is a twice-yearly gathering for TC which has been going since MNTC expanded to multiple campuses. 45 students from Brainerd and the 46 students from Duluth all truck in to Mpls for a week of special music, activities, guest speakers, etc. Bands are arranged for by coordinating schedules between managers on both sides. The same happens with the guest speakers including Don Wilkerson, Dave Wilkerson’s brother (Dave founded TC back in the "stoned" age).

One would think with all of this planning of activities, coordinating schedules, synchronizing calendars and eating toasted bagels with peanut butter, someone would have thought “Hmmm…where will ninety plus gentlemen sleep? Oh well, we’ll figure it out.” But noooooo, that manages to NOT cross anyone’s mind in any way. Soooo…

Cheer Week: Special Guest Speakers! The Best Metro Area Worship Bands! Fabulous Activities like visiting the Como Zoo! No Beds! No one in charge of sleeping arrangements! Scrambling from 5pm till 9.30 pm to figure out where the heck 90 men can sleep. That’s always great after 7 hours in a van. Yay, Me! :\

Yes, great fun! I did finally get a bed in a room with two guys, Tim and Luke, from the Mpls campus. They are nice, welcoming guys willing to put up with the interloper sleeping in the top bunk of their room. These men, at least the one on the lower bunk were very comfortable having me there…yeah, a little too comfortable.

But seriously, I am now waiting for chapel to begin. I’m probably going to get yelled at for looking at the pretty hookers ten feet to the right. No lie, we have been instructed to not even look at them. Have any of you ever heard how in biblical times the Pharisees were often referred to as the Bruised Ones? You see, it was considered impious to even look at a female. If the Bruised Ones glimpsed a woman coming in their direction, they would close their eyes tightly to prove their superior piety. It, unfortunately, is very difficult to navigate with your eyes shut tightly, thus, the Pharisees would often run into carts, walls, donkeys, each other, etc…or fall into potholes, dung, wells, doorways, each other, etc. Therefore they were called the Bruised Ones. And fine examples of piety and righteousness are who we are to emulate while here at Cheer Week. My head hurts. Wall there. :)

Chapel was good. Don had a good message about the keys to success. Yes, I took notes! :) The keys are Desperation, Decisions, and Surrender. Don read from Mark 5:24-34 and how out of desperation she came up behind Jesus to touch his cloak, pushing her way through the crowd. She didn’t care what those around her thought, she just needed healing and would do anything for it.

Don also spoke of the decisions we make, how they affect our lives, for better or worse. The decisions to follow Christ is foremost, of course. He talked how every day we stay in the program is one more good decision. We can choose to wallow in our misery, cry and complain about how our life sucks, or we can be Joseph and be Daniel. Say yes to God and see what He wants for our lives.

Then Don brought up Surrender, which of course, I am no good at! LOL. Galatians 5:16-17, 24-25. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? :P

Don had a great anecdote for surrender:
The naval vessel saw another vessel on its radar, which was directly in its path. The captain radioed the other vessel, “Alter your course 10 degrees S. This is Captain Jones, US Navy.”
The response was “Alter your course 10 degrees N, this is Ensign Peters, US Coast Guard.”
Captain Jones puffed indignantly: “I say again: Alter YOUR course 10 degrees south. I am a battleship!”
Ensign Peters replies: “Alter YOUR course 10 degrees north, I am a lighthouse!” :)

Sometimes we’re a bit blinded by our pride, which makes surrender that much harder. I’m trying to deal with this, too. I am trying to stay in this program and to do so I need to abide by the rules. My problem is I instantly reject any rules I see as pointless; and we have plenty of those. As I’ve said before, rules for the sake of rules. At the same time, we are supposed to submit to the law as long as it is not in conflict with the Bible.

It’s hard for me when the rule is inane, like the one glass of milk only, or snacks at this time, lights out at that time, etc…A student here injected into the conversation that none of us got here b/c of how well we were doing, how good our decision making skills are. I wasn’t doing great, I know, but I still don’t think I was doing so badly either. I just wasn’t making headway and I know why, which is why I’m in TC--One of the many fun sides to being voluntarily here instead of court-ordered. To hear it from TC staffers, I could hardly figure out how to put my socks on. So yes, my pride gets in the way! No, I won’t apologize for that – at least not right now.

Time for a break! We are off to the Como Zoo. Woohoo! At least it’s outside, and not in a van!
The zoo was fun, though cold. We wandered for about two hours, and then went back to the dorms for dinner. Had a little time before dinner to get to know some of the other guys in the dorm. They’ve been very welcoming and helpful, which makes it easier to invade for a week! :)

…sitting in the sanctuary again, waiting for the evening service to start and thought I”d write some to kill a bit of time. I’m watching the worship team practice. They seem like they’ll be good. Hard to tell so far…I want the bass. It’s a Washburn six string. Very nice :)

I must repent. The hookers, sorry, former working girls, just came in and I looked. Forgive me, I sinned. Crap! I did it again! Dang my eyes! LOL

Yet again, Don’s message was good! He started with the beginning of Passover in Exodus and talked about the Blood of the lamb saving the firstborn thus interceding between the child and Death; just as Jesus did later for all.

The focus of the sermon was “It Starts With the Blood.” In the Blood of Jesus Christ we are cleansed of sin, given power over sin, protection from sin and through our redemption we are able to also forgive others for wrongs they have perpetrated against us.

It is also fun to hear the little stories Don has of he and David starting the ministry; the foibles and whatnot. :) We watched a short snippet of a movie about the history of TC. When I was a young teen (12-14 or so, maybe younger) I read “Run, Baby, Run” the story of Nicky Cruz, the former president of the Mau Maus in NYC and how David Wilkerson’s street ministry reached him. Anyways, he was being interviewed on the movie clip – I had never seen a picture of him before, so that was cool; fun to hear his perspective.

On a different note, I’ve managed to stay out of trouble so far. Not that I’m behaving, but I’m choosing which rules and when for maximum effect. :) I figured out the schedule of guys going up and down the stairs at night so I can slip in with a group coming back up and not catch flack about having another soda (“Gasp! You just had one yesterday! Shame!! :) LOL.) As I said: silly rules for the sake of having rules. It quite often gives me a headache.

Today’s activity will be to visit the art museum. I’m looking forward to it, but amazing enough *dripping with sarcasm*, some of the junkies don’t want to go! Whatever is going on in this world when junkies don’t want to go to a museum? It’s atrocious. I thought this was the Cultured Junky Rehab Center…LOL. Seriously, it is funny to watch our staffers get upset b/c the guys aren’t excited about the “fun” activities that were thrust upon them. I’d love to remind them (being the upper management of Duluth TC) that if I shipped them three hours from home, rushed them from place to place with no written schedule and makeshift sleeping arrangements and then expected them to be pleased or even overjoyed about MY pick for THEIR entertainment, they’d want to hit ME with a stick!

Ah, a sad day indeed. The museum visit was a success –except for the stolen coffee. Yup, that’s right, the junky museum coffee bandits stuck again. The police will be notified, detectives will comb the grounds for clues (pun intended and yes, I know – it sucks! Lol) and Little “d” (that’s Dennis) will get to the bottom of it. :P Actually the cops weren’t called and Little “d” already has gotten to the bottom of it...hence, the wonderful lecture I walked into tonight before worship.
Little “d” was an eyewitness to the alleged theft in which I was 1) no way involved and 2) not a witness to, either. He apparently has a list of the perpetrators of the coffee heist, so naturally he decided to lecture everyone. The coffee-laundering scheme was ingenious (except for the whole getting caught thing :) ). One junky would go to the counter and pay for a coffee (self serve). Now the genious-ness: the junky takes two cups cuz coffee is HOT! Then he hands off the second cup! His accomplice can then perpetrate the crime by filling the second cup which was not paid for! Absolute criminal masterminds, I tell you! Of course the numbnuts proceeded with this plan even though they knew Little “d” was sitting right there watching! Idiots… The really funny part was listening to the guys complain afterwards about how unfair it was…as if they somehow have a right to free coffee? I’ve never found that to be the reality anywhere.

The students do have some interesting ideas as to what they “deserve,” or what is “owed” them. Most come from rough backgrounds, broken homes, addict parents, absent parents. Some have the rich, negligent parents and grew up with everything; therefore, now they want nothing or more. Some days it’s hard to figure them out as to what triggers one reaction in one student will have a different or opposite effect in another. Some are more like me, where a finger can’t be pointed to one obvious thing that could have triggered the “junky” gene. We’re just all jacked up! :)

There’s one student I can joke about anything with, but I don’t dare mention “mama” around him. Just like a toddler with the babysitter; mention the M word and it’s tantrum city.

Two others from Duluth cannot sit still. And I don’t mean they jostle their legs or something. They rock back and forth continuously (one front to back[F2B], one side to side[S2S]). Mr S2S does it sitting or standing to the point of our inability to tell he began walking as the movement of him standing still and walking is exactly the same! It’s humorous…

Most of the rest of the men (myself included) are at varying levels of healing, maturity, spirituality. I’m always taken aback when one of my peers in TC will go from a mature, rational person to a whining, tantrum-throwing child in 0.5 seconds flat. I like to think I don’t throw public tantrums, but I have to admit I do in my head. I get angry at folks when they don’t seem to understand what I’m trying to tell them, when I can’t get my point across, though I’m trying so hard. (interjection from Anne: yes, David, we know!) Especially when they’re interrupting, or obviously not listening as they’re already formulating their reply…I’m no good at dealing with people in that situation.

I went forward for the altar call last night just to pray about my anger/bad attitude. Not sure it really helped. I felt like I was trying to pray through a brick wall. I’ve been reading Joyce Meyer’s “Battlefield of the Mind.” In it she talks about strongholds being built in our minds by Satan. It makes sense to me that I’m trying to pray over, under, around, and through one of these strongholds. I’ve certainly given Satan enough time to build and fortify a few of them! I just keep praying and reading the Word. I know I’ll break through it all eventually.

Don's messages have been good. I've skipped writing about them for a day or so. He spoke on Darkness Tuesday morning, how there are two types of Darkness: We are walking in Darkness, lost and alone; or we are walking in the Light of Jesus and some temporary darkness clouds our life. The latter is easier to deal with as we know Christ is with us and calling on Him is easy (or should be) to gain comfort to walk through this Darkness.

The former is much more difficult for us as we may not know even how to call on Jesus for help and support. In this situation the Darkness can have such a strong, blinding hold on us we may not know where to turn.

Tuesday night Don spoke about our testimony, how it wasn't something we lived through and now spoke about, it's something we live every day. He talked about how we need to keep our testimonies as especially now for most of us it's all we have. Our credit it 0; our reputations shot mostly. Without our testimonies we have nothing.

Wednesday morning Don was on the subject of encouragement and how vital it is in our walk with Christ. The right word at the right time can really life a brother or sister in Christ up. At the same time, no words or cruel words can much more easily bring someone down, hurt the faith they've built up, drag them back into their old life and habits.

He talked mostly of Barnabus and Saul/Paul in Acts 9 and how Paul was in a vulnerable spot with the Jews but Barnabus spoke up for him. Without Barnabus' endorsement, they would have killed Paul b/c of his history of persecution. They didn't believe God had transformed Paul on his trip to Damascus. Paul stuck to his testimony and Barnabus came in with the encouragement to Paul and endorsement of Paul to others. We need to be doing this in our own lives for others; helping to build each other up, not tearing others down.

Wednesday night was focused on our growth as Christians and how important it is for us to continue to study, learning all we can about Christ.

The core values of TC really reflect that subject: prayer and studying the Word. Through those we can both grow up in Christ (Ephesians 4;11-16) and grow in our faith by knowing the Word through studies and prayer, thereby growing into the Armor of God (Ephesians 6;10-18).

Don raised the point that Salvation is more than just the forgiveness of our(my) sins; it is our willingness to go out into the world sharing and showing the love of Jesus.

We have to continue growing in our faith. We're either in gear, moving forward or we're falling behind; there is no coasting. Especially for us junkies (LOL) as our slippery slope tends to go down a lot further than your average person (can we say "expressway to hell, what?!")

Don also closed with the point that we need a teachable spirit; stubbornness will only lead to our downfall. And Sam from Brainerd opened this morning (Thursday) by comparing our hearts to a field. A dry, cracked (i.e. stubborn) field will not reap the benefits of the rain, while a freshly plowed field (i.e. teachable) will absorb the rain allowing growth. And prayer is the plow; studying the Word is the rain! I love that analogy! Provers 5:12-14 also puts it quite succinctly.

Totally separate issue: I've been writing things down (both here and in other lists) which I found counterproductive or just wrong with the TC system. It was suggested to me I could do this and get it delivered to the highers-up here in Mpls to see if things would change. After spending a week here, I realize it is no better here! The same or different problems exist, and most are caused by a lack of managerial experience among the highers-up in the MNTC program. I was talking with a staff member and he agreed with me--his thought was when hired, people brought into these positions were tried more on the basis of their faith than on their actual ability and experience to do the job they were hired to do. I can't disagree!

I spoke with Carey about this. He agreed that faith is obviously important but put the proper gifts and talents in the proper place! I joked about how it's the same as me hiring a new drummer. Hypothetically, he's been a Christian for over twenty years, has the entire Bible memorized (I said it's hypothetical) and has an amazing/knock-you-to-the-ground testimony which you cannot ignore the Holy Spirit moving during. Sounds perfect, doesn't he? Of course he does! He's hired! Starts Monday. Oh sure, he's a quadriplegic, but what a testimony! See what I mean?

Thursday morning I had a bit of a breakthrough. The worship team had just finished and Don was opening with prayer. At the end of the prayer he asked those of use who had already accepted Christ but had other hang-ups to remain standing. Then Don asked the staff, ministry school and senior students to pray for/lay hands on those still standing and to specifically pray for us to surrender to God. I stayed standing and soon had five or six folks praying around me. I could feel the Spirit moving me and then I was bawling and on my butt on the floor. I was just saying "take it, take it!," except when it came to my music. I still balk at giving it up. I know I probably won't have to, that God will use me even more through music, but I still need to be willing to give it up. I just can't; it's been me so long...with music I'm creative, artistic, emotive, eccentric in an odd but good way. With music I'm able to dance and worship and love. Without music, I'm just a drunk. Forgive me for not wanting to risk giving it up.

Anyways...

Thursday morning felt like a start. I'm praying about it; I do want more, just scares me.

Don's messages were good. In the morning he spoke about remembering. Remembering Jesus' sacrifice, what He saved me from and the work it took for Him to bring me out of my own personal Hell. He illustrated with II Samuel 19 and how David was basically being a whiny brat, lol. David was so lost in grief over Absalom he mistreated everyone else and was in danger of losing his kingdom.

Don's closer was Thursday night. Entitled "Reclaiming Your Voice," he spoke about our faith and being reborn in Christ.

Don pointed to Luke 7:11-16 and the resurrecting of the widow's son. I like verse 15: "The dead man sat up and began to talk and Jesus gave him back to his mother."

In the midst of the world, our problems, our addictions, we are dead. Through our faith in Jesus Christ (acceptance, repentance, etc....) we are resurrected and given back.

Getting our voice back is hard, going along with keeping our testimony. We need to burn the bridges that lead back to our old selves (again the music thing...freakin' me out).

Through faith we gain our voice. In Luke 1, Zacharias doubts the word of God and is struck dumb (and possibly deaf, too) and only when the word of God is shown through Zacharias (i.e. he accepts and believes) does he regain his voice.

When Jesus looks on me and commands my dead self to "Arise!," I get my voice back. With it I will praise Him. Even I'm begining to question why it's so hard for me to give up and give to Him all of it, music included! My blood pressure spikes just thinking about it! :)

In the end, Cheer Week was good, at least as far as the worship and sermons went. All the other stuff (like no beds) seriously detracted and distracted from the overall effectiveness, but it was a good time.

As a side note, on Thursday night for the testimony call, Josh (from Duluth) got up and gave his in the form of a rap! I was nervious for him and sat in the back praying the Spirit would move through him and He did! Josh got a standing ovation from about six hundred folks here. That is so good for him as he's an alcoholic/meth-head/schizophrenic with no self esteem or social skills! He done good!

Ok it's now a week later, Monday afternoon (4.20.09). Last Friday was interesting:

MNTC had their annual fundraising gala. Guest speakers and the whole TC choir, four hundred forty of us! Normal management issues had us standing for two hours on stage for three songs (no exaggeration) not to mention the hour before in the lobby waiting to come in and the half hour afterward waiting for the vans to pick us up :(. Legs were a touch sore...(I must restate the face that the above hour figures are not an exaggeration and yes, it was ridiculous! lol)

The worship team got to play again Wednesday morning for chapel and again in the evening for graduation. It went well and we all felt blessed to play! The worship team has some opportunities that definitely need prayer.

While the worship team is obviously not our reason for or the focus of being here, I definitely feel lead to be doing this/leading the WT. Little "d" is skeptical, to put it nicely. It doesn't help that one member (who was put on a break last week from the WT) took ten Xanax and stayed stoned out of his gourd for three days a week ago. :( He didn't get kicked out of the program but he did have to restart Day 1, Level 1.

That just reinforecd Little "d"s trepidation; I just asked him to pray about it, as I'm asking the WT to do and now everyone reading this.

I just want to know how hard to push the WT, how far, how much energy to put into it. Obviously it's secondary to all classwork and what-not here, but beyond that?

A prayer of praise:

MNTC hired Charles as a regular employee! The guys are quite happy, as am I. Charles is a good teacher and counselor, and already has a good rapport with the students here. Thank you God!

For myself: TC is changing the curriculum, meaning Level 1 will not be 12 weeks instead of 8. If this applies to me (which it may) that is another month before I can get out of here on a pass. I'm already going battty and they want to keep me locked up for another month! Hide the sticks!

Enough!

This blog entry is way too long (sorry, Anne!). There is more that happened last week but I'll do that in the next entry.

Thanks for the prayer so far and please keep it up, I'll need it! LOL

I love and miss all of you - Dave